Puking Dog

SPCA CEO bakes her dog in car

Irony or stupidity... both?  Either way, I say put her in a hot car for 4 hours and call it even. [Richmond Times]

Krispy Kreme accosed of clogging... city's sewers

Apparently, these fat pills don't just clog your arteries!  The city wants $1.9M from the grease vendor to scraps all the gunk out.  [CBC]

Way to go Mom and Dad...

Kid gets crappy grades so, instead of blaming the school or hooking him up with ADD medication, Trenton O'Neal's folks made him stand near a light pole on a busy street with a sign detaling his bad grades, lack of effort and prospects for a "shaky future" around his neck.  [Virginia-Pilot]

Python doesn't want to take its medicine, strangles owner

Amanda Black, 25, of Virginia Beach, VA apparently tried to give her 13-foot python some medication, when it wrapped around her neck and did what pythons do.  Amanda's husband found her lying on the floor in front of a large, empty snake cage in an upstairs bedroom of their home.  13-foot snake?  In a bedroom?  On meds?  Home alone?  Kinda maybe asking for just a little bit of trouble there?  [Richmond Times Dispatch]

Lucky 7's lottery game turns out to be too lucky

Virginia Lottery officials are blaming a computer glitch for allowing 600 of 2,336 lottery tickets to be winners.  The new game, $2 Fast Play Super 7's, was shut down less than four hours after it was unveiled.  The state's lawyers are trying to noodle through whether to pay up or claim misprint and void the tickets.  I say pay up... call it a stupid tax on the state for hiring low-bid idiots to program the game.  se to verify winnings.  [Washington Post]

Winner parent gives 18-month-old girl beer to help her sleep

Undercover narcotics agents were at 21-year-old Virginia Neel-Blaker's home in Ojo Caliente, NM to buy drugs from her and her husband when they noticed her giving her 18-month-old daughter a sip of beer from a can. They then watched as Virginia filled up the girl's sippy cup with beer and gave it to the toddler to get her to sleep.  Virginia was charged with prostitution (she offered to have sex with the officers for $100 twice), child abuse, distribution of marijuana and two counts of conspiracy to traffic heroin.  Idiot.  [foxnews.com]

High school teacher accidentally plays porn video during assembly

A Virginia high school teacher was cleared of wrongdoing after his school-issued computer played about five seconds of a pornographic video during an assembly last week.  The guy, of course, said he had no idea how the video got on his computer.  The superintendent said the pornography was downloaded "in the summer time, off school grounds, during non-school hours," so it's all good.  The guy is back in the classroom teaching history.  Lovely.  Oh yeah, this moron's also the advisor to the Students Against Destructive Decisions club.  I bet the teacher's union is happy about this decision.  [Roanoke Times]

Dumb shoplifter leaves wallet at crime scene and tries to retrieve it

Kimberly Jo Kirby is accused of robbing the Richmond, Virginia JCPenney store and leaving her wallet and identification at the scene of the crime later attempted to retrieve it from police headquarters in disguise, police say.  When a store employee tried to stop her, this superstar threw the merchandise she had in her hands down outside the store and began swinging at the employee with her keys in-between her fingers.  When the JCPenney employees went through the stuff she dropped, they noticed that Kirby had left her wallet her identification.  Kirby called the store and wanted to know if anyone had found her wallet that she said had been stolen that day  She also asked if anyone was in trouble for shoplifting.  The police told her I didn’t know anything about the shoplifting, but she could come pick up her wallet at the police station.  Kirby showed up to the police station in a pretty weak disguise. She had on glasses and a neck brace.  The police promptly put the corpus grabbus on her.  [Richmond Register]