Puking Dog

"Attention Wal-Mart customers: All black people leave the store now."

 Amazing.  Cockery like this is what makes Wal-Mart Wal-Mart.  I guess if they hired rocket scientists to work there, they'd have to raise prices.  [Courier Online] 

Six women hospitalized for getting cracks filled with caulk

 You can't make this stuff up.  Goos news is that they saved a ton of $... so far.  [NJ.com]

She beat her like this, she beat her like that...

She beat her with a baseball bat.  Then ran her over with a SUV... that's how the teen girls roll in New Jersey.  [Fox News]

Jury awards man $115k in suit against his mother

He was using a power saw, she wanted to let him know that it was eating time, so she tapped him on the shoulder.  Next thing you know, he sawed off his pinky finger.  Note:  Loyal reader Granger L. writes in that suing your mom probably isn't as bad as it sounds... sometimes, in situations like this, insurance companies won't pay up unless you lose a lawsuit.  [North Jersey.com]  

Would-be robber cries after liqour store robbery goes south

The 76-year-old cashier locked the door and trapped the 19-year-old inside the store... he broke down and cried.  Sniff. Sniff. [NJ.com] 

Things could get hairy: New Jersey thinking of banning Brazilian waxes

A salon owner said that women would "go ballistic" if the proposal passed. She said that some women would resort to waxing themselves, visiting unlicensed salons or traveling to other states in a quest to remain bare down there.  It's a sad state of affairs... [philly.com]

Inmate sets his jail cell on fire... makes final escape

Well whose fault is that?  An unnamed inmate at Northern State Prison in Newark, NJ died from smoke inhalation after he set a fire in his cell.  Not sure if the guy failed to think his plan through, or meant to kill himself.  The bad news is that this fool caused five corrections officers to seek treatment for smoke inhalation and a sixth was injured.  [NJ.com]

Woman sues because toilet seat busted, trapping her for 20 minutes

Kathleen Hewko, of Delran, Gimme A Reason To Sue You, New Jersey tried to pop a squat at the Starters Pub near Allentown, PA when the toilet bowl she was sitting on busted.  Kathy claims she was stuck there inside the toilet bowl for 20 minutes. Apparently, Kathy re-injured her recently repaired hip in the incident and suing is the only way to make it feel better.  Oh, in case you were wondering, Kathy is not obese -- she weighs between 130 and 140 pounds.  [WCBSTV]

Guy meeting girlfriend's family for first time is shot by girlfriend's brother

Michael Unger, 35, of Glen Burnie, MD was meeting his girlfriend's family for the first time over Thanksgiving.  Turns out it didn't go so well.... Police say Mike and his girlfriend's brother got into an argument in an upstairs bathroom that ended when the brother shot Mike.  Two guys peeing at the same time in the same toilet?  No wonder.. something was bound to go wrong. The prosecutor's office said alcohol may have been a factor. Really?  [NJ.com]

SWAT team tries to take down a cardboard figure robbing a bank

Police officers went to the PNC Bank in Montgomery Township, NJ after an alarm went off on Thursday night.  They saw a person in the window, so they called the SWAT team, surrounded the bank, and evacuated a nearby apartment building as a precaution.  After futile attempts to contact the person via telephone and bullhorn, the SWAT team entered the building... and discovered the person was a cardboard figure.  Maybe the fact that the "person" didn't move at all could have been clue? [NJ.com]