Puking Dog

Dude stabs a guy on Christmas "to see what it felt like."

 Insert "refused to take his meds" excuse here. [Star Tribune]

11-year-old girl sets her sleeping mom on fire

 Police spokeswoman Elizabeth Watts said a motive was "probably just typical teenage angst."  Umm... that explains why every 11-year-old sets their mom on fire, right?  Parenting class, anyone?  [MSNBC]

Christmas tree surfing: Latest fad among rocket scientists

 Oh What-fun-it-is-to-slam in-to-a-parked-S-U-V.  [Orange County Register]

Former Playboy Playmate of the year guilty of banging another woman...

 (up against toilet....)  [BBC]

Emergency dispatchers delay respones because....

 "they were busy watching a Christmas movie."  I need to get me one of them government jobs!  [Denver Post]

Some dude take your parking spot at the mall?

 Why not stab him in the kidney with an ice pick?  That's the holiday spirit!  [News-Leader]

Guy finds coyote frozen in its tracks

 Crazy... maybe it was injured?  Snow news day.  [The Denver Channel]

Groom has to wear electronic monitoring bracelet to wedding

 He's accused of sexually assaulting a woman and head-butting a police officer at his bachelor party.  [Missoulian]

Isn't it ironic: Murder mystery dinner train runs over man lying on tracks

 Whose fault is it that this dude thought train tracks were a good place to nap?  [News Press]

Drunk Santa stumbles around asking kids for his reindeer

 Police chief, master of the obvious, says: "I believe his level of intoxication probably impaired his judgment."  Probably.  [WEAU]