Puking Dog

Guy tries to escape cops by calling 911

Charles Armstrong of Sarasota, FL was being chased by police for a traffic stop, when he allegedly called 911 to report an armed robbery several blocks away.   The officers chasing him diverted to answer the 911 call.  Unfortunately for Chuckie, other police in the area saw him roll into the local grocery store and arrested him after he tried to flee... he apparently left the driver’s door open, the engine running and a gun on the front seat beneath a bag of Cheetos.  [Herald Tribune]

88-year-old woman gives naked intruder a nut roll

Police suspect that 46-year old Michael Dick of Gresham, OR got nekkid and creeped into an 88-year-old woman's house and pushed her, face down, onto a chair.  But, it seems the woman got the best of him when she reached around and put the peepus grabbus on his wobbly bits.  The intruder "tore free" (ouch?) and quickly exited stage left... Mike, who police say matched the description the woman gave was arrested and charge a short while later.  [Salem News]

Woman wraps her 86-year-old sister in duct tape, moves her to Cleveland

Laura Stewart, 72 and her boyfriend Earl Cross, 76 REALLY wanted to move Laura's 86-year-old sister Evelyn Poynter from Pittsburgh to Cleveland... Evelyn didn't want to go, so police say Laura and Earl wrapped her arms, body, neck and legs in duct tape, put her in the back seat of a 1999 Cadillac Escalade and drove her to Ohio.  Laura say's there was "nothing sinister going on" and that the duct tape was being used to keep a blanket on Evelyn.  Umm... yeah... right...   [Tribune Review]

Catholic school teacher fired for marrying a divorced guy

Yep... that's it.   No scandal other than the fact that this lady married a guy who had been divorced... the school says it was a "scandal" and fired her.  The school's president said  “We have very clear policies on what we expect from Catholic people on our faculty, and there has been a violation of that.  When a person does something that is obviously contrary to everything that our Catholic school stands for, we cannot just look through our fingers.”  I wonder where this guy was looking during the church's recent sack tickling scandal?  You'd think he'd want to keep a low profile... people in glass houses...  [San Antonio News Express]

Soda machine out of syrup? Why not run the clerk over with your car?

Some dickey-moe at a Hess Express convenience store in Lower Paxton Township, PA got nutty after he noticed that there wasn't any syrup in the Diet Pepsi dispenser...  after he was kicked out of the store for being an idiot, he backed his car into the clerk, who tried to take a camera phone picture of his license plate... the clerk wasn't hurt... and the guy presumably went somewhere else to get his Diet Pepsi.  [Pennlive.com] 

Man tries to rob a carwash... but his gun breaks

Apparently, the masked man reached into his sweatshirt, pulled out his gun and demanded money from the car wash attendant... he then dropped the gun and it busted.  The guy then began waving his fist at the employee and demanded money, but the employee grabbed a power washer and sprayed him in the face.  Beautiful.  [KGW.com]

Makin' money... and getting some free shirts

Jason Sadler, 26, of Ponte Verda Beach, Flo is trying to make some scratch and get a year's worth of free t-shirts to boot.  Jason's idea is to have businesses, people, anyone really pay him to wear their shirts for a day. The price of the day goes up a dollar each day... Jan 1st, 2009 is a dollar, Dec 31st 2009 is $365.  This dude has already sold out many months... damn.  I shoulda thought of that. [Florida Times Union]

Man is accused of trying to poke girlfriend... with a fork

Arlen Arguijo, of Lake Worth, FL is accused of trying to kill his girlfriend (and threatening to kill her kids) with a knife and fork.  Yep... ths Hannibal Lector wannabe allegedly "pulled a fork out of his pocket and tried to stab the victim several times. He then grabbed a folding knife and attempted to stab" her.  His (former?) girlfriend got away with poke marks on her fingers.  Hmm... I dunno.  He looks innocent to me, doesn't he? [TC Palm]

Same-same, but different for registered sex offender

Christopher Sefakis, 41, of South Lebanon, OH popped into the Warren County Sheriff's office to register as a sex offender (he was previously convicted of trying to solicit sex from a cop posing as a 15-year-old boy) then hopped on-line to look for a 15-year-old to solicit.  Too bad for Chris that he solicited the same cop that busted him in the first place... he was busted in the exact same parking space when he went to meet the "boy" too.  Smart... [Cincinnati Enquirer]  

Delta and Northwest airplanes go bump when pilots forget to check their blind spots

Two pilots at Seattle-Tacoma International airport apparently forgot to check their rear view mirrors... and backed into each other.  Both flights, Delta 1288 bound for Cincinnati and Northwest 620 bound for Minneapolis were canceled.  Nice way to start off a merger between these two airlines! [Seattle Times]